Home on the Ridge

We know you all have been wondering what former Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge has been up to since he left Washington earlier this year. Apparently not much. While he has lined up board jobs with Home Depot and Savi Technology, we hear he hasn't found an office to rent or hired any staff. This despite interviewing numerous people for the job, of course not personally, he hired people to do his hiring. So what has the former Secretary been up to all this time? Says a friend: "He's playing lots and lots of golf."

Rumsfeld Rumor Rumpus

The rumor mill is turning, and the latest buzz is that Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld will be quitting in late summer. His rumored replacement would be former Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage, who would just be a match made in heaven! However if Rumsfeld does end up leaving so suddenly, he would be missed around the old Pentagon. Especially by his team of secret government sitcom writers, as well as the Pentagon Book Club he started, their book for summer was going to be "Kite Runner". We wonder how good Armitage could be at sitting around and talking about a book that no one has read!

First Marine

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Bush on Friday nominated Gen. Peter Pace, a Brooklyn-born Vietnam war veteran, to become the first Marine to serve as chairman of the U.S. military's Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Bush said Pace "knows the job well" having served as vice chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff since 2001. "This is a huge task, even in peacetime," Bush added.

Wait a second, it's peacetime? What's going on in Iraq? This brings up a good question, what designates that a country is at war? We guess if Bush says we're not at War than it must be so, however it sure seems like we still are. The mission hasn't been accomplished, unless we are missing something. Anyways, good luck to Gen. Pace, we recommend he eats his Wheaties!

Quote of the Week

"I don't think Wisconsin should become known as the state where we shoot cats."
- GOV. JAMES E. DOYLE, of Wisconsin, on a proposal to legalize killing wild cats because they eat too many songbirds

Lets Be Frank

For US Representative Barney Frank, Gay marriage has always been an important issue. However that has never stoped him from telling a joke or two about the subject. Just last week he kidded that the issue proves a point about guys.

"We have done the one thing for American stand-up comedians, that the heterosexual community could not do: We have validated the premise that men don't want to get married and women do. The disproportionate number of gay marriages have been between women." -Rep. Barney Frank

United Nation Wind Section

The State Department's former intelligence chief yesterday described John R. Bolton, President Bush's nominee for ambassador to the United Nations, as a "bully" who abused his authority and power, intimidated intelligence analysts, and lulled office mates to sleep with the smooth sounds of his alto-saxophone. Political Bits can think of no one better than a sax playing bully to represent America to the UN. Who knows what could happen if Bolton brings out the big guns and does a duet with his brother Michael? Did some one say peace in the Middle East?

Quote of the (Last) Week

"He's like all of us—he may have a mixed legacy."
-Former President Clinton, discussing John Paul II's papacy with reporters as he and the first family traveled to Rome for last week's funeral

Capital Matrix

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Police on Monday tackled and forcibly dragged away a man with two suitcases who had stationed himself in front of the west side of the U.S. Capitol.

The guy seemed to be dressed as Neo from the Matrix, unfortunately he seemed to lack special powers as he was easily knocked down by the armed police. Watching it live, it looked like this guy could have been easily been taken out by the capital childcare workers, let alone the capital police swat team, but it's always best to not use childcare workers in place of a trained swat team!

Congress may extend daylight-saving time

Lawmakers crafting energy legislation approved an amendment to extend daylight-saving time by two months, having it start on the first Sunday in March and end on the last Sunday in November. "Extending daylight-saving time makes sense, especially with skyrocketing energy costs," said Rep. Fred Upton

The idea is that people will go to bed "earlier" and thus need to use less electricity on indoor lighting. But does congress know that they can't really change time? What are they going to do next? Make days last 25 hours? Extend the year by an extra month? The extra month could be called April 2.0 or maybe Republicanuary.