Ridge Joins Home Depot Board

We are now at Orange alert! Apparently Home Depot is interested in the man who made people have a whole new respect for color codes. The company has appointed just-departed Homeland Security secretary Tom Ridge to its board of directors. It is unclear how Ridge's previous job will help Home Depot, but he does have experience marketing duct tape and dust masks.

Nader's Birthday Wish

Ralph Nader celebrated his 71st birthday on Sunday, and to to celebrate his big day he spent some time.... pleading for money. Apparently he is still deep in debt from his failed Presidential campaigns. To gather support he sent out an e-mail listing 71 reasons why supporters should give money. Reason 10 cites "his non-stop advocacy for the legalization of industrial hemp." Reason 65 says he "is the driving force behind the Tort Museum in his hometown of Winsted, Connecticut."

Oh the Tort Museum, we knew Ralph was behind that one! Now if there only existed a Tart museum, it would be much more delicious!

Slovakian Kiss

A handshake would have been fine!

Quote of the Week

"We now have more people in the business of preparing tax returns than we have in the army."
-VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY, speaking to conservatives

I think that's a statement everyone can get behind. Simpler taxes and a stronger military. There is only one problem, we don't think accountants would make very good soldiers. Next thing you know, we'll be charging into North Korea to give it an AUDIT!

Politics and Hollywood Collide

Usually Hollywood uses Washington for inspired movie action, but now studios and stars are applying cutthroat political campaign strategies once reserved for Washington to win the Oscar. The latest twist: Washington-trained campaign strategists have been hired for the battle for best actress. Insiders say they're involved in a vicious whispering, E-mail, and rumor campaign to help--or sink-- Hilary Swank, star of Warner Bros.' Million Dollar Baby, and Annette Bening, star of Sony's Being Julia. It's so hot, according to Newsweek reports, that the attacks could lead to a surprise upset. Vegas odds makers beware!

Secret Bush Tapes

Apparently some private conversations of George W. Bush were secretly recorded and are just now being released to the public. The conversations were recorded by Doug we'd, a former aide to George W. Bush's father, beginning in 1998, when Bush was weighing a presidential bid, until just before the Republican National Convention in 2000. The tapes show Bush crafting a strategy for navigating the tricky political waters between Christian conservative and secular voters, repeatedly worrying that evangelicals would be angered by a refusal to bash gays and that secular Americans would be turned off by meetings with evangelical leaders.

On one tape, Bush explains that he told one prominent evangelical that he would not "kick gays, because I'm a sinner. How can I differentiate sin?"

Bush also criticizes then-Vice President Al Gore for admitting marijuana use and explains why he would not do the same.

"I wouldn't answer the marijuana questions, you know why? Because I don't want some little kid doing what I tried." -President Bush

This was first reported by the Nw York Times, but it is amazing how quickly this story has disappeared, especially since the Whitehouse all but directly confirmed that the report was true! Now we know that Gore and Bush have two things in common, smoking, and winning the popular vote!

Department of Homeland Republicans

Former Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge met privately with Republican pollsters twice in a 10-day span last spring as he embarked on more than a dozen trips to presidential battleground states, according to records obtained recently by The Associated Press under the Freedom of Information Act.

Ridge maintains that his meetings with Republican strategists Frank Luntz and Bill McInturff had nothing to do with Bush's re-election campaign.

"We don't do politics in the Department of Homeland Security"
-Ridge told reporters during the election season.

Strange then that the records were not released until after the election season and after Ridge left office. Ok maybe the Department of Homeland security wanted to know which presidential candidate was polling better so they knew who to protect better. If they knew Bush was going to win, why waste money protecting the looser? Or maybe Ridge was just self conscious and wanted to know what the public thought of his new hair cut. We may never know.

Bush Gate

After four and a half years we finally we have a Bushgate, though it turns out not to be on par with Watergate. Apparently Laura Bush and daughter Barbara (in sunglasses) made an impromptu visit yesterday to "The Gates," the massive piece of artwork consisting of 7,500 16-foot-high frames along 23 miles of park paths costing over $20 million. They decided to take in the installation by the artists Christo and Jeanne-Claude while the first lady was visiting a friend in New York. I guess the project is something the Bush's can really relate too, wasting millions of dollars that could have done a lot of good else where.

Obama and the Common Man

While flying on United Airlines from Chicago to Washington on Monday night, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) was apparently offered an upgrade to move up to the first-class cabin from his seat in economy. Reportedly he turned down the flight attendant's gesture, remaining with the commoners and saying: "I'm fine here -- we're going to have a nice discussion" It's nice to hear when a politician doesn't let his position of power go to his head, or maybe he didn't want to be over charged by the in flight bar, everyone knows that economy is the only one offered the cheap stuff!

Stamps Honor

Joining the prestigious ranks of the Muppets and Barbie, Ronald Reagan now has his very own commemorative stamp. The 37-cent stamp was unveiled Wednesday in ceremonies around the country, including at the Ronald Reagan Building International Trade Center in Washington, DC.

We remember back in the day when getting on a US Postage Stamp was a big deal, but it now seems that literally anyone can make one of themselves. Anyone can go online and print up a real US postage stamp with any digital picture they want. Unfortunately, to make a stamp of the picture above would end up costing $1.50, some would say making a stamp of a picture of stamp is wasteful, we say the extra $1.13 is worth the fun you will have, but you don't have to take our word for it! [Stamps.com]

Dean Last Man Standing

Howard Dean, the former presidential candidate and governor of Vermont, is expected to win the upcoming DNC chairmanship at the election February 12. His last remaining opponent, former congressman Tim Roemer, said Monday he's bowing out of the race.

So since Dean's election is now only a formality, Political Bits would like to bring you a preview of what to expect from the new DNC.

• DNC will now stand for "Dean's New Country" or "Dean's Needlepoint and Crochet"
• All Democrat's will wear decoder rings
• Mandatory Yodeling classes
• Employing a party Magician
• Dean will write a weekly dear Abby column in US Weekly
• The Unicorn will now be the Official Party Animal

Frankly, we can't wait!

No Cheney 2008

Vice President Dick Cheney said Sunday in no uncertain terms that he will not run for the White House in 2008, even if asked directly by Bush.

"I will say just as hard as I possibly know how to say ... 'If nominated, I will not run,' 'If elected, I will not serve,' or not only no, but Hell no! I've got my plans laid out. I'm going to serve this president for the next four years, and then I'm out of here" Cheney said.

When asked why he was not interested in running Cheney said,

"I didn't want to do those things I'd have to do."

At the risk of sounding obvious, Political Bits has a question?
What more is there to do? Doesn't he run the show? Oh and isn't he next in line if some thing were to happen to Bush? Good thing there's still Carl Rove!

State of the Union

Betting Lines - State Of The Union

Over/under on standing ovations (partial or full): 98.

O/U on GOP-only standing ovations: 11.

O/U on uses of the phrase "personal accounts": 13.

O/U on "private accounts": 2, both slips.

O/U on "freedom": 23.

O/U on "liberty": 18.

O/U on number of times camera shows Bill Frist picking his teeth with a scalpel: 1.

O/U on number of times the Fox post-speech show mentions something Hillary did: 24.

O/U on number of times Bush mentions the phrase "spending freeze": 5.

O/U on number of times someone stands up and yells "Bullshit!": 0.

O/U on number of times someone should: 196.5.

(Stay Tuned for More Coverage)

Hillary Falls, Can't Get Up

We would be remised if we didn't mention Hillary Clinton's fall yesterday. Her staff blamed it on a stomach virus that many of her staffers apparently had come down with.

So a virus that makes you fall down? Was everyone falling all over the place, or is falling limited to the people who are in power? Could this physical fall mark the beginning of Hillary’s figurative fall from grace?

With the possibility of the repeal of the 22nd amendment, the American people may no longer need this Clinton, and the Clinton 2008 stickers she had printed up can just be used by Bill!

Affleck Costs Democrats the Election

Everyone knows that the Hollywood types always like to give their endorsements during political campaigns, but do all those endorsements have any effect? A group called Citizens United thinks so, but not in a positive way! The group is renting several billboards around the Kodak Theater, the site of the Academy Awards, with ads “thanking” stars who’ve spoken out against George W. Bush — and crediting them with helping the president get re-elected. The group is going to be specific too, calling out stars like Whoopi Goldberg, Ben Affleck, Michael Moore, Chevy Chase, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, and Sean Penn.

We knew it, an endorsement from Ben Affleck spells political disaster! That's why we turned down his endorsement of Political Bits! However we still think an endorsement from Whoopi Goldberg is good for the block and the win (But only when playing Hollywood Squares!)