Commentary on Politics and Entertainment

Tuesday, August 16

Welcome Back

Did you miss us? Well what better way to welcome ourselves back than some funny pictures!

Looks like they are all having a great time.

What a nice mustache you have!

We thought that the Washington Post was the Liberal guys!

GI Joe, Iraq American Hero!

Saturday, June 4

Quote of the Week

"It's time to put the election behind us, the votes have been counted and no more complaining about the past. Carrie is the new American Idol." Sen. John Kerry, unsuccessful 2004 presidential candidate, referring to American Idol winner Carrie Underwood

Wednesday, May 25

Toilet Humor (EXCLUSIVE)

So apparently Newsweek is not to blame for the awful story about the flushing of the Koran down the toilet. It seems in fact that the stories were entirely true. Lets just remember for a second what the Bush administration was saying about the incident...
"It's appalling that this story got out there, the sad thing was that there was a lot of anger that got stirred by a story that was not very well founded." - Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice
"The President finds the magazine's initial decision not to issue a full retraction puzzling, the report had serious consequences. People have lost their lives" - White House spokesman Scott McClellan
No Scott, it was apparently the actions of the military, not Newsweek, that had serious consequences. Politicalbits is wondering how long it takes the Whitehouse to issue a retraction and we are waiting on baited breath to see how the administration responds to this one!

Update: News moves fast, the story will be up on the WPost site, and we will link to it when it is!

There Ain't no Koran in the South

A sign in front of Danieltown Baptist Church, in North Carolina reads "The Koran needs to be flushed," and the Rev. Creighton Lovelace, pastor of the church, is refusing to change the sign.
"I believe that it is a statement supporting the word of God"
-Rev. Lovelace
Aren't the people in the south just priceless! We guess the good reverend only supports the word of his god, without tolerance of others. And isn't that what the Bible is all about, intolerance... Wait that doesn't sound right? The funny thing is that last week the very same sign was advertising "Bingo and Pigs Feet Sundays" which seems equally offensive to our Middle Eastern friends.

Tuesday, May 17

Holy Shiite

So Apparently Newsweek is trying to completely back away from their "riotous" story. Mark Whitaker, editor of Newsweek, said in an interview that the magazine was retracting the part of the article saying sources told Newsweek that a coming military report would say interrogators had flushed a holy book down the toilet to unnerve detainees. As it turned out, Newsweek now says, there was one source. And Mr. Whitaker said that because that source had “backed away” from his original account, the magazine could “no longer stand by” it.

It's a little suspect that something like this would cause people to kill each other. Especially if they are educated enough to read the article in the first place. Newsweek is still published in English right?

Thursday, May 12

Nixon vs. Clinton (Sorta)

Edward Cox, the son-in-law of former President Richard Nixon, is "seriously considering running" against Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York in her re-election bid next year, according to an adviser. All we have to say is Hillary better get new padlocks for her office. We know it was too easy, but come on... Nixon ain't no crook, and neither are his relatives! Some real opposition to Hillary's Senate Run could actually prove helpful to her Presidential Run, exposing weaknesses to Republican opponents prior to the national spotlight. What's that? Clinton is already in the national spotlight? oh, never mind then.

Wednesday, May 11

Washington Run

Two people were taken into custody after a small aircraft violated restricted airspace over Washington today -- prompting evacuations of the White House, Capitol and Supreme Court. Fighter jets and a Black Hawk helicopter were scrambled to intercept the high-wing Cessna, said White House spokesman Scott McClellan.

Though this was a false alarm, the evacuations apparently didn't RUN so well, emphasis on the word Run. According to accounts on the scene, staff members around the Capital were running in every direction, unsure of where to go. Seems that this stuff should have been sorted out by now! Maybe the problem is that Chicken Little is running the show now. Well... At least the children will be entertained!

The Boys are Back in Town?

Does the American public deserve a break from the Bush's in 2008? That's the question on everyones minds. Outsiders think it's silly to even consider that another Bush--this time Florida Gov. Jeb Bush--should try to follow his brother into the White House. But many White House insiders think Jeb is the best bet to carry on Dubya's agenda and beat Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton. Could he win? While some GOP bigwigs think voters want a break from the Bush family, Bushies think the guv is so different in style and substance from his older brother that he'd get a fair shot in the primaries.

George and Paris

At first glance, the similarities appear coincidental. Eldest siblings, families with money and famous names, the middle initial ‘W’. But the list keeps going. Both were indifferent students and childhood hellions, closest to their mothers, for whom an early predilection towards carousing set the bar of public expectation quite low. And while one found God and the other a camcorder, their resultant public demeanor is astonishingly alike: they’re shallow, petulant and not all that bright, and seem pretty damn proud of it.

For further consideration, Radar has compiled what this Teflon twosome has had to say about the following subjects:

Hard work…
bush_head.gifBush: In Iraq, no doubt about it, it’s tough. It’s hard work. It’s incredibly hard…. It’s hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. But it’s necessary work. —presidential debate, 9/30/04

paris_head.gifParis: Believe me, it’s not easy to arrange a girls’ night out for a whole bunch of girly girls. Oh, the burdens of being an heiress! Just making sure they’re all dressed and ready at the same time is a nightmare. —Confessions of an Heiress, 9/04
bush_head.gifBush: This is an impressive crowd — the haves and the have-mores. Some people call you the elite; I call you my base. —campaign dinner in New York, 9/00

paris_head.gifParis: I cannot stress enough the importance of billionaire friends. Even for someone like me, they can be real assets. They raise your social net worth. —Confessions
bush_head.gifBush: As I understand it, the current [FBI] form asks the question, “Did somebody use drugs within the last seven years?” and I will be glad to answer that question, and the answer is “No.” — Dallas Morning News, 8/19/99

paris_head.gifHilton: I don’t do drugs…. I see young girls out now who have been doing it for so long they look haggard and old. I like my young face. I don’t want to look old. —British Glamour, 2/05

The Media...
bush_head.gifBush: There’s a sense that people in America aren’t getting the truth. I’m mindful of the filter through which some news travels, and sometimes you just have to go over the heads of the filter and speak directly to the people. —TV interview, 10/13/03

paris_head.gifHilton: No one writes about my charity work. They’d rather write about me dancing on a table, which I’ve never done in my life. I don’t know how you could dance on tables. The table would, like, fall. —Jane, 2/05

Tuesday, May 3

The Many Faces of GW

Sometimes it may seem hard to understand what Bush is trying to say when ever the topic is social security, so as a public service, we here at Political Bits will provide a little explanation of what Bush's different faces mean.
Starting top right and working across:
  1. "Thank you for coming out, social security is in big trouble"
  2. "Now I know you are as puzzled as I look right now, so let me put in in simple terms..."
  3. "In other words, Social security is in big trouble"
  4. "Now I know that scares you"
  5. "Heck, it scares me too, but Cheny said not to worry, we got bigger problems"
  6. "Yatzee ! You sunk my battleship"

Monday, May 2


"I'm going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it's the Mother in me." —George W Bush, Washington D.C., April 14, 2005

Monday, April 25

Home on the Ridge

We know you all have been wondering what former Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge has been up to since he left Washington earlier this year. Apparently not much. While he has lined up board jobs with Home Depot and Savi Technology, we hear he hasn't found an office to rent or hired any staff. This despite interviewing numerous people for the job, of course not personally, he hired people to do his hiring. So what has the former Secretary been up to all this time? Says a friend: "He's playing lots and lots of golf."

Friday, April 22

Rumsfeld Rumor Rumpus

The rumor mill is turning, and the latest buzz is that Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld will be quitting in late summer. His rumored replacement would be former Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage, who would just be a match made in heaven! However if Rumsfeld does end up leaving so suddenly, he would be missed around the old Pentagon. Especially by his team of secret government sitcom writers, as well as the Pentagon Book Club he started, their book for summer was going to be "Kite Runner". We wonder how good Armitage could be at sitting around and talking about a book that no one has read!

First Marine

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Bush on Friday nominated Gen. Peter Pace, a Brooklyn-born Vietnam war veteran, to become the first Marine to serve as chairman of the U.S. military's Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Bush said Pace "knows the job well" having served as vice chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff since 2001. "This is a huge task, even in peacetime," Bush added.

Wait a second, it's peacetime? What's going on in Iraq? This brings up a good question, what designates that a country is at war? We guess if Bush says we're not at War than it must be so, however it sure seems like we still are. The mission hasn't been accomplished, unless we are missing something. Anyways, good luck to Gen. Pace, we recommend he eats his Wheaties!

Thursday, April 21

Quote of the Week

"I don't think Wisconsin should become known as the state where we shoot cats."
- GOV. JAMES E. DOYLE, of Wisconsin, on a proposal to legalize killing wild cats because they eat too many songbirds

Thursday, April 14

Lets Be Frank

For US Representative Barney Frank, Gay marriage has always been an important issue. However that has never stoped him from telling a joke or two about the subject. Just last week he kidded that the issue proves a point about guys.
"We have done the one thing for American stand-up comedians, that the heterosexual community could not do: We have validated the premise that men don't want to get married and women do. The disproportionate number of gay marriages have been between women." -Rep. Barney Frank

Tuesday, April 12

United Nation Wind Section

The State Department's former intelligence chief yesterday described John R. Bolton, President Bush's nominee for ambassador to the United Nations, as a "bully" who abused his authority and power, intimidated intelligence analysts, and lulled office mates to sleep with the smooth sounds of his alto-saxophone. Political Bits can think of no one better than a sax playing bully to represent America to the UN. Who knows what could happen if Bolton brings out the big guns and does a duet with his brother Michael? Did some one say peace in the Middle East?

Quote of the (Last) Week

"He's like all of us—he may have a mixed legacy."
-Former President Clinton, discussing John Paul II's papacy with reporters as he and the first family traveled to Rome for last week's funeral

Monday, April 11

Capital Matrix

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Police on Monday tackled and forcibly dragged away a man with two suitcases who had stationed himself in front of the west side of the U.S. Capitol.

The guy seemed to be dressed as Neo from the Matrix, unfortunately he seemed to lack special powers as he was easily knocked down by the armed police. Watching it live, it looked like this guy could have been easily been taken out by the capital childcare workers, let alone the capital police swat team, but it's always best to not use childcare workers in place of a trained swat team!

Thursday, April 7

Congress may extend daylight-saving time

Lawmakers crafting energy legislation approved an amendment to extend daylight-saving time by two months, having it start on the first Sunday in March and end on the last Sunday in November. "Extending daylight-saving time makes sense, especially with skyrocketing energy costs," said Rep. Fred Upton

The idea is that people will go to bed "earlier" and thus need to use less electricity on indoor lighting. But does congress know that they can't really change time? What are they going to do next? Make days last 25 hours? Extend the year by an extra month? The extra month could be called April 2.0 or maybe Republicanuary.